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Did you call your ex-lovers during the isolation? If you haven’t, you’ve probably thought about it.
There have been more and more warning messages on Twitter in recent days that seek to prevent individuals from reporting their former loves.
Namely, more and more people started isolating their exes during isolation, even though they thought they had completely got over them.
The insider has addressed this very issue and there seems to be a good reason why we are turning to old loves in these difficult times.
“An uncertain future, ignorance of the ‘new present’ and inevitable isolation may be enough reasons why we miss our former partners,” clinical psychologist Jaime Zuckerman told Insider.
Experts claim that it is natural to long for the company of people we care about in isolation.
“The concept of social distancing runs counter to our basic need to connect. Scrolling through social networks where your friends pose embracing with their partners can serve as a constant reminder that you are at home, alone and single. This basic need to connect, when the connection is not so accessible, is likely to evoke memories of others, including your ex. Memories, feelings and even the desire to hear their voice can create a sense of connection during isolation, ”explains Zuckerman.
Ex-partners can be a tempting choice because they give a sense of familiarity during uncertain times.
“Human beings gravitate towards structure and something familiar. Routine helps us anticipate what is coming, gives us a sense of control over our environment. This process is more pronounced during more stressful periods “, adds the psychologist.
The desire to contact ex-lovers is not always bad, as it can arise from genuine concern for their health. But there are other reasons, such as boredom or a desire for sex.
Watch out for hidden motives
Reporting to ex-lovers can be fine as long as it stems from genuine concern and as long as you have no hidden motives, Zuckerman says.
If you haven’t communicated for a long time, the psychologist suggests starting with a short message to see their reaction.
However, if you want to contact them and think that they have not gotten over you yet, it is best to avoid contact so as not to give them false hope. If you have been blocked or removed from your list of friends on social media, you should respect their desire to stop communicating.
Also, be considerate if they are currently in a relationship with someone else. “If you know they’re in a relationship or marriage, it may not be the best idea to contact them because it can cause conflict between partners and add more stress during this stressful period,” Zuckerman suggests.
If you are in a relationship, contacting ex-lovers is not a problem as long as you have no need to hide or deny your communication from your current partner.
Psychologists advise you to consider whether it is prudent to contact them now that everyone is more vulnerable than usual and whether it will benefit you both in the long run.
Not a good time for big decisions
In some cases, excess free time in isolation can make you think more about your breakup. If you want to return to your former love, consider whether quarantine has had a positive effect on realizing it or has served as a deception that leads you to a bad relationship.
“I often tell my patients not to make big decisions (if they are not absolutely necessary) in times of heightened emotions and chaos. You don’t want to reconnect with someone just to avoid unpleasant emotions, ”says Zuckerman.
Think about what has changed since the breakup and why you think your relationship would be better next time. As tempting as it may seem, you want to avoid a situation that will upset you and harm you in the long run.
If you feel like you both want to try again, you can ask your ex-love what they think about it and tell them that you should make a decision about your relationship after isolation.
So, if you want to reconcile with your ex, you don’t have to give up on that idea, but consider waiting until you are in a better mental state.